Feeling Sorry For Myself

I have been feeling very discouraged lately. My emotions are all over the map. The most discouraging thing is that physically I have also been feeling badly. I have been having trouble with really bad back pain especially at work. 12 hour shifts on the concrete floors are not good, let alone if you add in a busy day with lifting and moving people and wheelchairs and stretchers and bending down all the time. At home I get bad back pain at times but at home I am able to lie down for a while and it slowly gets better or have a warm bath. No such luck at work. Partway through my shift I get shooing pains from my but down my legs, I am thinking it is sciatica. Not to mention that doing my prenatal yoga last night I pulled my groin, what a mess I am.

Another challenge I am having is major trouble sleeping. Sometimes I sleep okay, other than waking to pee and acid reflux; but those don't bother me too much. Then other times I am awake for 6-8 hours, thinking and thinking, all sorts of useless thoughts going through my head. Worrying about work, about family, about taking my year off and getting lonely and left behind. Today I took a sick day at work because I was up all night (also sore crotch, see above complaint), too bad I had to use a sick day today when I would be working with my favorite doctor which is always fun.

Being so emotional and upset about work, I have decided that I need to not worry so much about them and if I need a sick day here and there I am going to take it. Also my boss keeps bugging me to fill out all the papers for my mat leave so she can advertise my position. Well too bad, I am not sure yet. I need to talk to my doctor and get him to sign my papers anyway. Hopefully he wont want to put me off work right away because of my back, as that would get boring. So that is what is going on in my little world. Sorry for being such a downer.