Feeling Sorry For Myself

I have been feeling very discouraged lately. My emotions are all over the map. The most discouraging thing is that physically I have also been feeling badly. I have been having trouble with really bad back pain especially at work. 12 hour shifts on the concrete floors are not good, let alone if you add in a busy day with lifting and moving people and wheelchairs and stretchers and bending down all the time. At home I get bad back pain at times but at home I am able to lie down for a while and it slowly gets better or have a warm bath. No such luck at work. Partway through my shift I get shooing pains from my but down my legs, I am thinking it is sciatica. Not to mention that doing my prenatal yoga last night I pulled my groin, what a mess I am.

Another challenge I am having is major trouble sleeping. Sometimes I sleep okay, other than waking to pee and acid reflux; but those don't bother me too much. Then other times I am awake for 6-8 hours, thinking and thinking, all sorts of useless thoughts going through my head. Worrying about work, about family, about taking my year off and getting lonely and left behind. Today I took a sick day at work because I was up all night (also sore crotch, see above complaint), too bad I had to use a sick day today when I would be working with my favorite doctor which is always fun.

Being so emotional and upset about work, I have decided that I need to not worry so much about them and if I need a sick day here and there I am going to take it. Also my boss keeps bugging me to fill out all the papers for my mat leave so she can advertise my position. Well too bad, I am not sure yet. I need to talk to my doctor and get him to sign my papers anyway. Hopefully he wont want to put me off work right away because of my back, as that would get boring. So that is what is going on in my little world. Sorry for being such a downer.

Random Thoughts with a Random Picture

So we have a boy and a girl name picked out, but we will not be telling anyone. We may change our minds again.
I am quite sick with a terrible sore throat and a cough. Not fun. Not getting much sleep at all. My throat hurts so bad sometimes, it wakes me when I am sleeping. And now today the runny nose has started. The little one does not seem to mind as he/she is still kicking and swimming around lots.
Today has been rainy and snowy and just plain nice springy.
I have many projects waiting that I want to accomplish before the baby arrives but have such little energy right now.
I will try to get the nursery somewhat set up and take a picture for you all.

Here is a picture of my sweet Hemi wearing a hat.

I love Halloween.

Fall

Fall is the most wonderful time of year. I love the cool winds and blowing leaves and all the harvest. The fields full of bales. The geese flying over honking. The late blooming flowers.

I love how crisp the evenings are and how cozy the house is with a fire going.

Also I love Halloween. I'm not quite sure why but I have always loved it. Halloween feels earthy and dark. I love pumpkins and all fall decorations. Also spooky, witchy things are so much fun.

I also love fall because hockey season starts. The start is the best time of hockey season because it has been so long without it that you crave hockey every night. Plus the excitement over the changes to your team, anticipation of the wins in the future.

Very very mad!

Someone has stolen from us. Last month Justin dropped one of his cars off at his brothers house, his friend was going to buy it. Justin told his brother not to let the car go until he has money in his hand, as he did not fully trust this friend. Next thing we hear is that the friend has come and picked up the car without paying for it. Justin emailed the friend and told him he should not have gotten the car without paying and asked for his money. Now we find out that the friend is not going to be able to pay and he has already cut up the car. He took it and cut it up without any right. Justin says that we will go get it if it is not too bad, so that will cost us anyway time and fuel to go 3 hour one way; or if it is bad than he is going to tell the 'friend' that we need the money. I was so mad I was ranting about calling the police or our lawyer. Justin is right though, if we were to do that now it would scare him that he might dump the car or something. How rude can someone be. Why would he think you can take something you don't own and can't buy and ruin it? I really hope everything turns out ok. Justin should go get the car and charge him for the cost of travel and the damage done.

I love rainy days

I love rainy days. The air is so fresh and the sky is dark and the wind fills the house with freshness.

First Post

Well I have started a blog. Justin wont be happy, he does not want me writing about our life for people to see, but really, who is going to look! No one needs to know it is me unless I want them to know. That gives me the freedom to talk about what I want. The trouble is I don't think I have anything to say. Nothing interesting anyway. I have never been good at writing a diary or anything like that. I think I am too boring, and the stuff that isn't boring, I really don't want to share with others.